Just a year ago, Camillian seminarians would always associate Novitiate with Baguio because it was there where this stage of formation took place. For the SCCS collegians, Baguio served as an added motivation to pursue their vocation, because this city atop a mountain offered an ambience that could bring one closer to God and to oneself; and it could even make one a fattened lamb ready for slaughter. I cannot deny that I have been wishing to stay there to see if all these things were true.  After more than five months of hoping, that wish was granted.

We novices had the 30-day retreat in the former novitiate house- turned-retreat house from Nov. 17 to Dec. 18, 2008. The retreat was facilitated by our very own Fr. Renante Sentillas, together with our novice master, Fr. Ruben Mandin.

The experience was something beyond one could imagine. It was a spirit-filled activity that brought us face-to-face with Christ. Well, during the retreat, I realized that we have not labored much, not because we didn’t take it seriously, but because it was God who had been very ‘busy’ pouring revelations as we opened ourselves to his Spirit day after day.  What we did was just sit back and relax.  Throughout the 30-day retreat, two groups stayed with us in the house: one from the San Carlos Seminary and the other from an NGO. But neither their presence nor the loud Paraiso stopped us from connecting ourselves to God. It was our first time to keep silent for weeks, opening our mouths only during prayer, mealtime and sessions. The rest of the day, we let our spirit speak to God.

Before I entered the retreat, I already knew that God loves me, God loves everyone anyway. But to really feel and see for myself the intensity of this unconditional love is something that this retreat had offered. Both of us, Fr. Joseph and I, were very vocal about the love of God after the retreat. This experience engraved in our hearts a deep gratitude towards God.

We experienced what the apostles of Christ did.   So there were more than 12 apostles, even if we don’t count Judas as one. I was there when Jesus called Peter, Andrew, James and John, and he called me also. When he commissioned the apostles to preach the Gospel and heal the sick, he addressed me also. We walked around Galilee, listened to Jesus’ sermons and witnessed how he healed the sick. This is the beauty of contemplation. We are brought back to the original place, meeting the original Jesus and had that original experience and knowledge of God – knowledge handed on to us by God himself and not by thick theology books or by word of mouth.

The 30-day retreat was a transforming experience. We realized just how much God loves us and that what He does is far beyond what a lover in love stories do. No story of love can be claimed as the greatest love story of all, for it is God who did the craziest things out of love for us.  Having realized that, we are moved to reciprocate God’s love and give Him something in return. It is not that God asked; rather it is that through the experience of God’s love we are moved to love in return and to give ourselves to God.  Now I understand why the “Take and Receive” song is very popular and special for those who have undergone this retreat. The lyrics are the very words of St. Ignatius of Loyola and have become our prayer in offering ourselves to God.

So it is true, the ambience of Baguio brought us closer to God –- the ambience of silence in particular.  Wherever we are, as long as we have silence, it will be very conducive to prayer and in understanding more clearly what God is telling us. We were actually invited to continue this mood even after the retreat to make us aware of how God moves in our lives.

The retreat has made us into lambs also – not so much because we gained a few kilos but because we felt that if the need arises, we are ready for slaughter. Following Christ is doing what Christ did. The retreat has made so clear to us what he had done for the sake of love. We cannot just forego the opportunity of giving ourselves back to God out of gratitude.